Some Open Letters

Dear Dallas PD,

First I would like to thank you for all you do for the city of Dallas. Also, I really love that you send officers to chill in the waiting room where I work, because lord knows the waiting room gets scary at times.

I just have a small bone to pick with you--the speed traps you have set up along 635. I have enjoyed my commute home at speeds of approximately 80 miles per hour for over a year now, and now you set up speed traps? I’m afraid it’s too late for me to adjust my routine, so the speed traps have got to go.

Do you know what it’s like to have to drive on 635 every day?? Actually, you probably do, so kindly show me some empathy.

Thanks,
The Speeding Black Blur of Mazda 626

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Dear Dallas Commuters/Drivers,

WHAT THE CRAP IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! DID YOU GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSES OUT OF CRACKER JACK BOXES??

Pardon me. All I wanted to say was that I would really appreciate it if you began using blinkers, noticed when my blinker is on, and for the love of god, stopped driving less than 70 mph in the far left lane.

Oh, and repeat after me: Rubbernecking is for morons. I know that the maintenance trucks parked on the side of the road have orange flashy lights, but it’s really unnecessary to stare at them and cause ten miles worth of traffic to slow to a 30 mph crawl.

Cordially,
The Irate Woman Shaking Her Fists At You

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Dear Manager at Work,

No offense, but I think you’re crazy. There are a million things wrong with our department, and the project you are highlighting this month is forcing us to send thank-you cards to patients?! I don’t know how everyone else feels, but I personally would feel slightly creeped out if I got a thank-you card from my ER nurse. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to write in these things.

Dear Patient,
I know you were in intense pain and probably don’t remember me, but thank you for choosing to come to our ER.
P.S. I was the one with the needle giving you a shot in your arse.

Do you think maybe next month we could work on something that really matters and will help us better save people’s lives? Oh, and please stop harping on me about tardies. I commute on 635 to get to work and I can’t help it. I am addressing the problem, though, and expect a positive response from DPD and the other Dallas commuters.

Sincerely,
Lowly Peon on the Work Totem Pole